


Only It Ain’t On The Surface

by xxcay_flashfanxx



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Hurt Tim Drake, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Tim Drake-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28429620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxcay_flashfanxx/pseuds/xxcay_flashfanxx
Summary: His heart burned with loss, his body felt as if it would betray him at any moment. On the inside, he was sobbing an invisible fountain of water. On the outside, he looked normal.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Comments: 18
Kudos: 175





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song ‘You’re Somebody Else’

((*Well you look like yourself*))

He looked at his reflection staring back at him, cascading tears falling down his delicate, pale face. The glint of the glass highlighted the crimson on his wrists. He grabbed a damp towel, desperately fumbling to hide the blood pooling over the scars that were already there. He cleaned up, and stepped out the bathroom, plastering a fake smile on his face. Like he was okay. (He wasn’t)

His heart burned with loss, his body felt as if it would betray him at any moment. On the inside, he was sobbing an invisible fountain of water. On the outside, he looked normal. 

((*But you’re somebody else*))

A drowning sense of numb. That’s what he felt. As if he were drowning in a bottomless wave of grief and sorrow, eventually hitting the surface with a painful bang. And then he felt nothing. 

Heartless monster.

He hid the feeling with a fake smile. Hid the silent tears with a fake smile, his body submitting to the puppeteer that was his numbing emotions, drowning the feelings, the whispers. There was no more him.  
Just a remnant of the thing he used to be. 

((*Only it ain’t on the surface*))

“Tim, you’re my equal. Take this chance to start over, decide what to do with your life. Damian needs Robin more than you, he just lost his Father”

So did I.

But against impulsive actions, he nods, planting a plastic smile on his face. Dick seems pleased with his reaction. 

“Thanks for being so understanding Tim. Go live you life”

That was the equivalent to ‘we never needed you around Tim. Go away’ and that hurt more than Damian storming down the stairs, shooting insults. 

((*Well you talk like yourself*))

Bruce was back, his dad was back. Only to smile at him, and ask ‘where are the others?’

He wanted to scream. The others aren’t here! They thought I was crazy! They threatened to lock me in Arkham!

But Tim, being the ‘good son’ he was, gave a nod, and pushed him off to the direction of his other family. Like he could call them family. Bile conjured his throat at the word.

No thanks were said. Tim kept up his ‘I’m okay’ persona until Bruce left. Leaving a hole in his heart.

((*No, I hear someone else though*))

“Come on Timothy, stop being so weak, you’re okay” he told himself, betrayed by the wobble in his voice.

“You’re fine-“ he choked, (because he didn’t believe his own words)

How could he say this, when it wasn’t true? How could he convince himself of the lies he told everyone else. Nothing was going to be fine. Ever again.

He was too beaten. Too broken. (And worse, no one cared) 

((*Now you’re making me nervous*))

He didn’t know how he found himself here, the wind blowing on his face, broken tears running down his face.

He remembered Jason’s words, ‘Get out of here place-holder. Leave like everyone is going to leave you’. Place-holder. That’s all he was, all he’ll ever be.

He remembered Dick’s words of betrayal when he sided with Damian (like always), ‘maybe you should take a day off Timbo. You’re slacking off’

He remembered Damian’s insult, ‘run away Drake, you’re a waste of air and space’. He has no rebuttals because it was true.

He looked down below, the strain of traffic and lively people below. The top of the 20-story-building was surreal. He knew if he jumped now, there would be no turning back.

Good.

He stepped off the ledge.


	2. confrontations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What the hell Replacement?!” 
> 
> Ah. So it was Jason who ‘rescued’ him. Robbed him of his chance of freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> t/w: mention of rape and torture

He felt two arms wrap around him, interrupting the feeling of air rushing through his figure. The feeling of freedom was silenced, as he was hauled in someone’s arms above the stream of traffic. 

It was already dark out, the city buildings lighting up the grim place of Gotham. Tim closed his eyes, trying not to let anything out.

He felt his feet land on the ground for a moment, just as soon as he felt hands grasping his shoulders, pushing him down onto the cold rooftop. 

“What the hell Replacement?!” 

Ah. So it was Jason who ‘rescued’ him. Robbed him of his chance of freedom.

He lifted his gaze to see Jason, who had taken his helmet off for the time being. Probably just to lecture him. How special.

“Yeah, I’m screwed up, okay? Big shocker” Tim spoke, hauling himself up to face Jason.

Jason flinched back a bit at the tone, before being replaced with anger.

“Let’s go home” he demanded dangerously.

To his surprise, Tim laughed darkly.

“Home? You really think that, that horrid place is my home?”

Jason stepped back slightly as Tim continued.

“I hate that place! And the fucking people in it! I hate everything about it! I hate the bullying, the constant pain I have to go through in that place”

“You have people who care about you there-“

“STOP FUCKING TELLING ME YOU CARE!” Tim exploded, running his hands through his hair, allowing trapped tears to escape.

“Everyone says they care! And then the moment you least expect it, they fucking stab you in the back!” 

“And it fucking hurts! Because you’ve shared you vulnerable side and they’ve held you hand, telling you they’re never going to leave! And then they ALWAYS DO!” Tim cried, voice wobbling.

“I-“

“If you cared, you’d have let me jump off that building and fucking kill myself”

“TIM! WE ALL CARE!”

Tim shook his head in protest. 

“No you don’t. No one has, and no one ever will. Did you know that I was raped once?” 

Jason’s eyes widened in surprise, shook at Tim’s words.

“Of course you didn’t. I was kidnapped by the League of Assassins. I was tortured thrice daily, and raped by all different men and women. And none of you noticed. I had to escape by myself”

“Tim this isn’t you-“

“HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW?! I have to wear a mask around you, A facade that I was ok! When I was just numb” 

Tim walked away.

“You don’t know fucking anything about me” 

And as he was about to swing from the rooftop, he felt something enter his neck. His hand shot up and felt the dart. His eyes flickered to Jason’s in betrayal.

“I’m sorry ‘bout this”

The last thing he saw was Jason’s face before he took a yep forward and crumpled.


End file.
